I miss Hong Kong

this is me and my sister in hong kong. i miss it a lot. have you ever seen me smile like that? probably not.
(unless you are my friend. that doesn't count!)

as much as i love san francisco (the hills, the library and the coffee) i've felt very aggressive and irritated being back here. part of it is the idiots who don't know how to ride muni and the racial tension i feel here. i don't know it's just way too much.

let me take you down cause i'm going to strawberry fields

nothing is real
and nothing to get hung about

strawberry fields forever

i wonder if i will ever bother to take decent (i.e. non-photobooth) pictures of my outfits. it's kinda sad because now that i actually have nicer clothes i don't really take photos wearing them.

between work and school i still make time to go to the movies. i finally saw norwegian wood today and saw le havre, and a separation earlier last month. i recommend all of them.

i dropped my creative writing class so i am down to 14 units this semester. this semester i am trying to "clean up my act." i think i am doing okay so far. work has been crazy but i won't get into that. the movies is my way of dealing with all that's going on.

one of my succulents died. i guess it really happened while i was in hong kong.

i've been in an edgier mood than usual.

a new beginning?

spring 2012 semester started today
although it's (lunar) new years today i wanted to do homework tonight
unfortunately the textbooks for my japanese class are sold out at the school bookstore and the reading for my cinema class is some .pdf of a poorly scanned article that i can stand to read as much as a kindle. so basically i will read it when i print it out, not at home.

here is an unfortunate photo from this morning... yes... my 8am class...


professor could've emailed us beforehand... i celebrate lunar new year too you know. and i woke up anyways.

anyway i haven't written for a while. i am a bit tired, i am not even bothering to press the shift key to capitalize anything. i thought about this year being about me cleaning up my act -- and i think i have done so, i have dealt with many things and said goodbye to many things, in a timely manner. but i think it's only natural to make messes. my goal is just to try to clean them up and not make an additional mess and pretend i cleaned the previous one up. i did that a lot last year. i think ever since i turned 19 i cleaned up a lot. i had fun being 18, well fun is a general word for it. i did a lot. there was a lot that now, in retrospect, i wish i hadn't done but it's wasting time thinking about that.

i really like this on keep's blog so i will link to it here: "on patience" - i have used some of the ideas to remind myself to keep sticking to the work, the headache inducing, the stress inducing. and to breathe.

it seems the rain is doing me no good. i had two nightmares last night. in the first, i overslept and missed the first day of all my classes. in the second, an ex-lover and i were after the same girl and he got her.

i wish for peaceful rest.

BACK FROM THE MOTHERLAND

THEY DIDN'T LET ME BRING BACK THE BOYS

SO I BROUGHT BACK THE COMME DES GARCONS

I like mystery boy's mess of hair.

Print him out Un hemisphere dans une chevelure and read it in French.

Brown, brown, sweet brown.

Quand je mordille tes cheveux elastiques et rebelles, il me semble que je mange des souvenirs.

Sometimes it is true: the back of the head is more pleasing than the front.

I encounter a mystery boy every once in a while. He walks with his hands in his pockets. What will they pull out to reveal?

I wish I could disappear into his head of hair. I wish he could eat me.

Pore, pour, poor.

One Day

One day, we will stop sleeping together.

Actually, any one of our encounters could be our last. You could get sick of me at any moment. It's not very likely that I will get sick of you. It is not that I can't find anyone else--the contrary, in fact, did you know that I have had five lovers at one point in time, yes, I just stack them on if the situation allows.

Anyway, I fear for us. I feel the end is near. At least we have had a good run. We have seen each other at least five times now.

I remember looking over at my trash bin after sleeping with you for the first time, thinking "wow, his semen is in my trash bin."

Surely a lady knows where to draw the line, but I don't, I always write everything, I might as well address it in a letter to you but I post it publicly online instead.

The other day, my friend and I talked about sex, and he used the phrase "snail trail" to describe the wetness from a vagina. I liked that term. I just wanted to share it with you.

Vanessa